Loving Someone

It is a common thing to believe that, “before you love someone you have to know yourself.” People are told this when they’re young, but just old enough to experience love. Not only do I think this is complete bullshit, but it’s the complete opposite of what you should believe.

You cannot get to know yourself fully when you’re alone. When you’re alone you only know yourself in alone situations. When you’re loving someone, you learn about yourself in situations involving that someone you love, you learn what your heart will go through till it’s too much, you learn what you’ll do to keep your relationship, what you can withstand and what you can’t.

In a relationship, you grow together. You build each other up and discover how your pros and cons can fit together like puzzle pieces. So you’ll learn your pros and cons from someone else, they’ll assist you in being your best and you’ll assist them.

Most of all you’ll learn what you cannot do, and who you cannot be with. This is so important in knowing yourself. In a relationship you’ll learn what YOU want. It will give you insight to how you’d like your future.

You can love someone at any age, whether you know yourself or not. It’s a foolish rule to know yourself first, because truly there is no way to fully know yourself. You’ll love yourself more when you learn why someone else loves you, for reasons you’ve never known and you’ve never imagined.

Everyday a million new opportunities come, new situations where you will learn how you react, and learn more about yourself. Your mind is endless, and there’s no way to grasp everything you know about yourself in this short time frame that we call life. So, love, and learn.



Happiness Is really hard to obtain when you’re reminded of something that Isn’t pleasant to you, so cut those things off. To be happy you have to create that mindset and be dedicated to it, you have to almost become it. I’ve said that countless times already.

The one thing I’m constant with, Is my mindset. I’m ass at keeping any habits or hobbies constant, but for my mindset I’ve made it a requirement. It’s just like anything you want to keep up with, you have to do it even when It seems too hard or like you don’t have enough time. I put my mindset before anything and everything. I could have everything I want but a sad mind could make those things meaningless. With a happy mind, they’re the things I want and more.

On a bad day I say to myself ;

  • “It’ll work out,”
  • “I’ll get what I want,”
  • “This fucking sucks but life Is fucking good,”
  • “I’m young this isn’t a crisis”

Blah blah blah, even when I 100% believe that nothing Is right or that my life Is too stressful whatever, I remind myself things like this, no matter what.

It’s the hardest thing a person can do because It’s only achievable with 100% dedication. sometimes you just need to cry, and that’s understandable. So, when I need to cry, I give myself one mental breakdown then after that it’s crunch time.

This life is short, and I have no reason to complain about It. Everyday on this planet Is a good day. So make it that way. Don’t waste your time with a sad mind.

Monday 5/13/19 24:21


I have never been in love. I’ve always wanted to be in love but I never thought It would happen to me. For some odd reason I just had a gut feeling I’d be the most unlucky out of my family and be alone for all my life. A sob story, I know. I would get overwhelmingly sad at love movies, not because they’re sad but because I was so jealous and so convinced I’d never get to experience love. I would be sad for days after watching them but never knew why.

I haven’t felt that way in a while now.

And I think I’m in love.

I got home from a date and just felt so high, maybe i was just uplifted. I was 100% sober y’all don’t get me wrong. But afterwards I drove around a bit with my sister and felt – high. It took me a moment to realize but I’m high off love. It’s so cheesy I feel like I sound foolish, but It’s all truth.

I’ve never had so much faith in someone. Our relationship is just so heavenly. It makes me feel like I’m dreaming. Words can’t describe the feeling. Nothing has ever felt so right.

I’m noticing the little things, and appreciating them more. I’m enjoying life a little differently now, with a new mindset.

And to you, If you ever see this, thank you. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. I’ll remember these nights with you. We’ve got something else.

To Be Continued flowers < 3


It’s Tuesday, April 16th, and it’s 11:24 PM. I have state testing tomorrow morning and instead of studying, or sleeping I’m here writing, and I’m fine with it. I’m trying to put my thoughts into words in the best way possible, so let me start.

If the lights were off and your city was silent, what would you do? If no one was watching and judgement was no longer known. If you solely did everything for the improvement of yourself, for your well being. If you did what you want, for you. If you believed what you wanted, for you.

At the end of the night, when you’re laying in bed, it is YOU evaluating YOU. Not your family or friends or boyfriend, it’s YOU. Your decisions will only matter to you and no one else.

Recently I’ve been questioning things I’ve always believed in, and things that have always been easy for me to understand, without an explanation of why. For a while now I have struggled with any type of decision making because I don’t think of what I want, I take things into consideration that would change MY opinions or influence them in another way. From picking what I eat for dinner, to trying to decipher what my favorite candy is.

For example, I’ve been struggling with religion. I often think of my families beliefs or popular beliefs. I wonder what’s true and I cannot stay solid to anything. When I lay in bed I wonder, “If you don’t believe in God, what if he is real and you go to hell?” Well, if you don’t believe it you don’t believe it. It can be this way, it runs through my head and causes unnecessary stress, when I know what I believe in, so why am I stressing over what I believe? Why am i questioning myself if I believe it? When other factors weigh in, is when I start to stress. When I don’t only think of MY opinion or MY beliefs, I begin to question things.

So, when I put myself first and do things for me, i’m simply at peace. I have no skepticism. If I don’t think of my families beliefs, or what I am told to believe or think or love, I am overall happier, because then I am who I want to be. I believe and think and love what I want.

It’s a hard concept to grasp, and a confusing one but I think it is the key to finding yourself, which is every persons first purpose.

I’m going to practice this mindset until I have it down, because then I’ll be able to be who I want, and live how I want. I’ll have a clearer understanding of myself, and I will be content. I will be my own person.

It is now Wednesday, April 17th, 12:04 AM, and I’m going to publish this. Hopefully very soon I won’t struggle with as much of these decisions and beliefs, and i’ll be my own person, based on only what I believe.

I encourage this mindset to everyone. Find yourself, start with yourself. Do things for yourself.


HEY BLOG!!! Im back! And I’m doing really good. I’m so optimistic lately, and the best part is, it’s genuine!

I was on youtube and I saw a video where a girl asked strangers, “Who is one stranger that you remember?”

And it really got me thinking.

It brought me back to a day, that was at the least two years ago. I was preparing for a move across the country, from Arizona to Florida. I was gonna be away from my father for the upcoming 6 months until my house in Arizona sold, which of course I was unaware of at the moment. All my family *but my dad, would move and live in an apartment until my dad sold our house in Arizona and then he would come join us, and we could buy one in Florida. Only to move back to Arizona, very complicated.

It was over the summer and I went to Nationwide Vision to pick up some glasses I had been waiting for. It was just a normal day, the mood of the store was very dull, and boring. An elder man walked in with the happiest expression on his face. You could tell he was tremendously happy.

He walked up to the front counter and addressed what he was there for, he started conversation with an employee and she was not amused. It was almost like she avoided it.

“How are you?” He started with a basic question, that most people wouldn’t take personally, the employee replied with, “Okay,” and he was struck with disapproval.

“JUST OKAY?” He gathered an audience, every customer was now staring. He went on to explain why this was so surprising. He said he wakes up every day with a smile on his face because he is alive, that’s enough isn’t it? He said he could be having a horrible day but he is alive, nothing is better than that. He said that tomorrow is another day, no matter what we all have tomorrow to make a change, make it a better day, a better week.

This man’s buoyancy was so uplifting. Words cannot describe it, and to think I looked at him like he was crazy in the beginning.

He changed my attitude towards a lot of things, and whenever I’m going through a lot I remember this man, this stranger. I remember how wise he was and how he could make the whole store smile with his own smile.

I never knew how much his advice would help me, the next 2 years would be rough, and his words would keep my head above the water when I’d be so close to drowning.

I try to be like this man. I try to spread this optimism and confidence in people I meet daily too, even if it is just someone in an eyeglass store. He was only there for a split second but he made a dramatic change for me, this memory helps me through a lot.

The effect a stranger can have is more of an impact than someone we see usually. That’s because their words aren’t prompted, they’re coming straight from the best source, the heart.

So, next time you see a stranger, or an opportunity to make someone’s day, or someone’s life, do it.

Even if its critiquing the way they reply to, “How are you?”

Do it.

Happiness I

For most people being happy isn’t too hard. They wake up each morning with a positive and optimistic attitude towards anything that might become an obstacle. They have faith that everything will turn out the way they prefer, even when there is nothing to look forward to they can stay positive.

At least this is how it used to be for me. I didn’t have worries about things too far out of my control. I knew if i tried my best, I couldn’t be too disappointed. Even if things didn’t go as I planned, I knew they couldn’t be too far off. I understood that things were temporary and would ALWAYS get better.

I couldn’t explain the process, but I know when I began getting depressed, it was clear. I didn’t have much emotion or even energy to act like I did. I would wake up in a bad mood and couldn’t shake it for anything. I couldn’t be consistent with any old habits. No music appealed to my liking, no food was good enough, no laugh was pure, everything was different. I remember thinking there was something wrong with my brain, I cried daily thinking i was insane. Depression is indescribable. It creates a new you, one you didn’t know existed. Being so unhappy made me unproductive and led to only procrastination. I spent all my time home in my room, doing nothing of any purpose. I was always “busy,” knowing I had important things to get done.

Happiness is something that cannot be given. Happiness is more of a mindset that you create for yourself. You cannot wake up every morning easily, thinking you’ll be automatically happy. You have to do it all mentally. No one can do it for you, no one can tell you how, you do it yourself. To change, to become happy is a lengthy process, but you have to commit and make those differences.

I personally go through episodes of depression, sometimes weeks long, with weeks in between. When I begin to think i’m well and fully stable again, things start to move backwards. I know circumstances are different from person to person. I know depression can be caused or led on by events during your childhood. I know that you cannot sit in your room and pray for a solution, without making an impact or a change yourself. You cannot beg for a cure when you make no move to help it.

So, for those struggling or fighting a demon that weighs more than them, here are my thoughts-

I read one time that it is best to go through hell rather than stop in the middle of it. I tell myself this when I feel like skipping school, or practice, or confrontation, the list goes on. It’s not easy for sure. I know that when things are hard and feel impossible, they can coexist with things that are going good in your life and in the world. It’s neither either/or, it’s both/and. I try to focus on positive things; I have anyday to create change, tomorrow is a new one- I’m living- Like all issues in our past, THIS ONE SHALL PASS – The most beautiful people we have known are those who have seen amazing defeat, suffering, loss, but found their way out of those depths – When you come out of this storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in, that’s what the storm is all about – ITS OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY – It seems so far fetched, but this will all amount to the amazingly strong person you become inthe future.

Sadness is normal, but depression isn’t. You will know when help is needed, NEVER hesitate to get that help.