Finding Growth: Within Someone Else

I’ve always remembered to find someone that feels like spring, someone that puts sunlight in your heart. Someone that helps you grow, someone that makes you the person you’ve always wanted to be, the best version of you.

A person that will commit to you, themselves, your growth as individuals, humans, and as a relationship. It is important to know you have grown not only together, but individually.

Most of all, they should love you for you; whether this is your baggage, morals, personal opinions, boundaries, etc. Your boundaries will not scare the right person away. This is the best thing to keep in mind, because those things, make you you, they set you apart from everyone else.

Be comfortable, be real, be trusting, be communicative, be yourself, and be VULNERABLE.

I have learned to surrender yourself to the love you want, to all that you are scared of and be vulnerable. This love will meet you halfway, and it will feel like a breath of fresh air.

I met a soul just like mine. I love who I am with him, he makes me the person I want to be. I can feel myself continually grow and become comfortable in the person I am, and the person I am becoming. I have never felt so in-place, like this was meant to be. I prayed for something that would help me get back in my right mind. He was an answer from God, this is him telling me, “Here’s your path.”

* Proverbs 3:5-6 ) Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

* Psalm 16:11 ) You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

* Psalm 37:23-24 ) The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

Are you in a relationship you should leave?

I strive to be an artist, I have made a good profit on my work and believe with the right efforts I could make it where I want to be. Every person that knows this future plan of mine has supported it, I have never been discouraged. Until I met my ex-boyfriend, he would try to convince me that this future wasn’t for me, he tried to tell me I should strive to be a dental hygienist, which I had never shown interest in. Like really? A dental hygienist for why? No offense to any dental hygienists but why would I do that if I can’t stand the dentist? He told me my plans were unrealistic, and I needed to think like an adult.

That same ex would close his eyes in my car when I drove. He claimed I just didn’t know what I was doing, he told me that “Women are just bad drivers, it’s a proven fact.” He used my own sisters as examples of people he didn’t want to live like, as if it wasn’t offensive? He never failed to inform me that I was younger and dumber than he was. He tried to convince me I was poor because I had never been out of the country, and was completely ungrateful when he did. He would get overly angry when situations wouldn’t go as planned, and would often try to surprise me with things I was very adamant on, things I did not want to do, which made him angrier when I would refuse. He shamed the way I was raised and would force beliefs on me, he would embarrass me in front of friends and family. He got jealous of any and everything, one time I said I loved Post Malone and he avoided me all night. Post Malone… Like? Pathetic. He was a hypocrite in all ways and was going no where fast.

This relationship taught me a lot. One thing it showed me was that I know how I should be treated. I know my worth and if a current boyfriend would treat me that way there is no way I would pay him even a thought in my head. I now know what a true man is, and when too much is too much.

Now, my situation could’ve been three thousand times worse; which brings me to my point, are you in a relationship you should leave? Are you worth more? Are you getting treated the way you should? -You should never have to second guess yourself, especially if it’s an unsafe relationship physically, or mentally. It is important to have people that are close to you, and if these people are toxic it will only hurt you.

Maybe you just don’t realize it yet, but that boyfriend or girlfriend of yours isn’t treating you like they should, they aren’t showing you what you deserve.

If you realize this and have a chance to get out of the toxicity do it. It’s unhealthy to train your brain to think certain things are okay. It wasn’t for me until later in the relationship that I noticed things weren’t the way they should be. It’s hard to adjust leaving a relationship you may rely on, but you’ll be more stable through the outcome.

It is important to know your worth and never settle for something or someone that doesn’t prove that to you. You deserve what you think you do, don’t let anyone tell you what that may be.

Time is one cruel son of a-

I’m reminded everyday of how i’ve spent my time.

How I have wasted days of my life on things that didn’t make much difference.

Most things in this life are replaceable. No matter how much we hate it, even people are replaceable. Although the one thing you can never replace is time.

And this reality haunts me, makes me question where my time goes, and if it’s really worth it. Which is something I won’t know until I later either regret what i’m doing or i’m thankful for it.

Time isn’t here to hate us, or the decisions we make, but rather to remind us that each decision tampers with our life path a bit. Every decision we make is important. So live without boundaries, but do so with compassion and devotion, and full certainty with every step you take.

Do not take for granted the time you are given, because it can be taken just as easily.

Yes, time is one cruel son of a-

“Do You Ever?”- No, I Don’t.

“I feel like I can’t breathe, like my lungs are so heavy. I feel like my heart is dragging on the floor behind me.

Do you ever feel like nothing will make you happy? Or feel like you’ve lost all interest in everything you loved?

Maybe I’m just dramatic, or maybe something is wrong with me.”

– – –

I wrote this on February 21, 2019. It is now the the 22nd of July, and I’ve never been happier.

I read this and it makes my heart hurt. I cannot believe I felt this way. As unbelievable as it was, I was able to pull myself out of this and become who I am now. I am the most stable I have ever been, and I did it all on my own.

Now for a lot of people, they’re incapable of doing this, making the change without assistance, because fact is, it is hard to find a light switch in a pitch black room.

It is okay to not be okay, get the help you need, be selfish.

Don’t drive yourself to deeper depths. You can get through this, you just have to want to.

Your Wilderness Season

Is it really so bad?

A lot of times I doubt my faith when I’m going through a rough period and I think, Why would God put me through this? If he wants the best for me why would he hurt me? What’s the point? Is this some type of punishment?

I’ve started these bible plans to do daily and keep in touch with my faith, to try and exercise it and hopefully grow more confident in it. Everyday that I read I feel more connected, almost like I’m being spoken to.

A plan that I have been reading opened my eyes to circumstances like this, when my mindset is very blurred and I cannot find reason in the works of the Lord.

The author started by explaining how he is raising his son, and that as babies grow the level of assistance they receive changes in order to encourage and push growth and development. This seems quite obvious, as everyone knows you cannot baby a child their whole life. This is a similar thing that God does, so that we can develop and mature spiritually. In the beginning when we are born again and filled with his spirit, he manifests himself to our every cry. Although, in time he strays away and doesn’t respond instantly to our every call, thus to help us grow and mature-and hopefully we move beyond just wanting milk (Hebrews 5:12).

He concludes the devotional explaining how we are not going through a wilderness season, yet we are GROWING through it.

After a long time of thinking, I realized that this is what I have been preaching to others for as long as I can remember, just in different words. I always say that we go through things to learn something, good or bad, we are developing experience for the rest of our lives, to use as lessons and knowledge to spread to others and use ourselves. Ive never thought to put it this way though.

I feel my faith growing everyday that I’m making the bible a habit. I still can’t say I’m as stable as I want to be but, this is all just an exercise to see how I will handle a season with doubt.

So during my next rough time I will think to myself, What am I being taught by this? What IS the reason? I will take note and try to notice all that I can grow from.

Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered; And being made perfect, he became the author of eternal salvation unto all them that obey him; (Hebrews 5:8)

The Frog And The Scorpion

A Tale of Character

One day, a scorpion came across a river, he wondered how he would cross it. He noticed a frog on the opposite side of the river and asked if he would be so kind as to give a ride across the stream. The frog gave great hesitation, as he was a scorpion, how did he know he wasn’t just going to kill him? But the scorpion explained that if he tried to kill him, he himself would die too because he cannot swim. Again the frog second guessed him and asked, “What about when I cross and get close to the bank? You could kill me then!” Although, the scorpion said how even then he wouldn’t be able to get to the other side of the river. The frog asked one more question, “How do I know you won’t just wait till I get to the other side THEN just kill me?” The scorpion said he would be so grateful for his help that it would be unfair to reward him with death, and begged for trust. The frog took a moment to think but agreed. The frog swam over and allowed the scorpion to hitch a ride. Halfway across the river, the frog felt a sharp sting in his back and in the corner of his eye saw the scorpion removing his stinger from the frogs back. The frog asked, “What did you do? Now we both shall die! Why on earth would you do that?” But the scorpion hissed and said, “I tried to resist, but alas I could not help myself it is in my nature.”

This fable shows that, sometimes like the scorpion, humans possess compulsions that they cannot repress even when it is in their best interest. Like the frog, sometimes humans can be too easily drawn to trust.

People will be who they are. People may simulate friendship and love to get what they want, but in the end follow their true nature, even if it is worth their own life. Trust can only be made with time, and there is no substitute for time in the matter of trust.

This story gives us a reminder to take time to consider someones true nature, and to get to know it if we don’t. Don’t be fooled by someones word. We are all a bit of a scorpion and a frog, and we all know a scorpion and a frog.

A person may just be the way they are because it is their nature, and it is never up to you to change them or “fix” them. Nevertheless, if you think you have, keep in mind ones true nature may always show, and it’s better not to find out the hard way.

Loving Someone

It is a common thing to believe that, “before you love someone you have to know yourself.” People are told this when they’re young, but just old enough to experience love. Not only do I think this is complete bullshit, but it’s the complete opposite of what you should believe.

You cannot get to know yourself fully when you’re alone. When you’re alone you only know yourself in alone situations. When you’re loving someone, you learn about yourself in situations involving that someone you love, you learn what your heart will go through till it’s too much, you learn what you’ll do to keep your relationship, what you can withstand and what you can’t.

In a relationship, you grow together. You build each other up and discover how your pros and cons can fit together like puzzle pieces. So you’ll learn your pros and cons from someone else, they’ll assist you in being your best and you’ll assist them.

Most of all you’ll learn what you cannot do, and who you cannot be with. This is so important in knowing yourself. In a relationship you’ll learn what YOU want. It will give you insight to how you’d like your future.

You can love someone at any age, whether you know yourself or not. It’s a foolish rule to know yourself first, because truly there is no way to fully know yourself. You’ll love yourself more when you learn why someone else loves you, for reasons you’ve never known and you’ve never imagined.

Everyday a million new opportunities come, new situations where you will learn how you react, and learn more about yourself. Your mind is endless, and there’s no way to grasp everything you know about yourself in this short time frame that we call life. So, love, and learn.